Sidecarsally News

*** On April 6th, 2009, a global pillow fight commenced in various cities of the world. The following dialogue is a dramatization of the events that happened in Detroit, Michigan on Saturday, April 11th. ***

Douchebag 1: “Hey, let’s organize another giant pillow fight and send out Facebook invites! Think about how awesome it will be: Hundreds of people hitting each other with pillows in the middle of Detroit. It’s violent, but innocent and fun too.”

Douchebag 2: “Dude! I had that same retarded idea a couple weeks ago and I already set it up! It’s happening this Saturday. I think a bunch of people are gonna show up.”

Douchebag 1: “Is it B.Y.O.P?”

Douchebag 2: “Yeah, bring your own pillow. See you Saturday, douchebag.”

On Saturday, Aprill 11th, “a bunch” of people showed up to an organized pillow fight in central Detroit.

Detroit Police Department: “Not so fast, pillow fighters! Although we do not think this is a dangerous event, we are confiscating your pillows and canceling the event anyway. We just don’t want this city covered in feathers. Look at it. Man, look how shitty this place is. Now you want to come here and get into a fucking pillow fight downtown? Are you going to pick up every feather when you’re done? No.”

Pillow fighters: “But… we were just trying to have fun.”

Detroit Police Department: “Imagine how that group of homeless people standing over there would feel after seeing you destroy hundreds of pillows. They sleep on piles of dog shit wrapped in several grocery bags because it contours to the neck and head like memory foam. But still, it’s disgusting. You should all just go home and feel ashamed that you had nothing better to do today.”

Homeless man: “I smothered my ex-wife with a pillow, so technically, they can be deadly weapons too.”

Detroit Police Department: “You heard the crazy bastard. Pack it up, folks!”

Wall Street, New York. April 6th, 2009.

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