Feb 27 2009
Obama survives first assassination attempt of year
There are something like a million people in the United States. Someone told me that number is a lot higher, but I don’t count all the assholes in the country. If you do count the assholes, then there’s a little over 305 million people in America.
With so many people living in one country, it was only a matter of time before someone tried to harm our new President. How would they do it? A gun, or a knife? Nah, not in 2009. This year, it’s all about sending AIDS to your adversary.
Ethiopian immigrant Saad Hussein was recently arrested for mailing letters contaminated with bloody HIV to Barack Obama. Hussein, a self-proclaimed supporter of Obama, admitted to using his own infected blood in an attempt to harm or kill the President.
You’re probably wondering why a person would try to harm someone they admired. The answer is simple: mental illness.
In the three years that Saad Hussein has been in the US, he has not been employed. His greatest achievement in America came in 2006, when he was arrested for starting a fire in the middle of a busy Chicago intersection. When police arrived at the scene, he was waiving a copy of the Koran in the air and shouting, “God is great,” in Arabic.
No charges have been filed against Hussein yet, but he’s currently being held in a Chicago correctional facility, awaiting a translator who can assist in a mental evaluation. Maybe mental evaluations should be mandatory before allowing people to immigrate to America.
Customs officer: “Welcome to America, Mr. Hussein. How long do you plan on staying?”
Hussein: “…”
Customs officer: “Do you speak English?”
Hussein: “Obama. AIDS.”
Customs officer: “AIDS? Haha, I like you, you’re a silly guy. You’ll fit in perfectly here.”
Hussein: “White House?”
Customs officer: “It’s in Washington D.C. Here’s the address, and also the local address to Obama’s old Chicago office, just in case you want to send him some AIDS, haha.”
Hussein: “Yes.”
Customs officer: “Hahahaha, you’re pretty funny for a foreigner. Have a good stay here.”
