Sidecarsally News

Back in March, Elliot Spitzer stepped down as New York’s governor after being caught with a prostitute. A really, really hot prostitute.

If doin’ her is wrong, I don’t wanna be right.

After Spitzer resigned, David Paterson took over as governor. With New York undergoing a financial crisis, Paterson needed to come up with a plan to generate some money for the state. The best way to do this is to raise taxes or implement a new tax.

People will tolerate a tax hike long before they accept a new tax. Instead of increasing one of the nine billion different state taxes, Paterson proposed a new obesity tax on non-nutritional sodas like Pepsi and Sprite. Diet sodas would not be taxed.

Basically, if you want to enjoy a sugary carbonated drink, you’d have to pay an additional guilt tax for being unhealthy. New York citizens are showing a strong disapproval for the new tax proposal, which isn’t surprising, considering that 90% of them are addicted to Starbucks.

True New Yorkers bring their iPods and Starbucks everywhere.

First of all, how much more nutritional is a Diet Coke compared to a regular Coke? It’s true that non-diet soda can cause you to gain weight, but it’s ridiculous to force an obesity tax on a beverage. Where’s the double cheeseburger, pizza, and ice cream taxes?

The only people in New York who shouldn’t be angry about the obesity tax proposal are diabetics because they’re supposed to drink diet sodas anyway. Oh, and supermodels too. But if Paterson proposes an anorexia tax, there’s gonna be some trouble.

Since David Paterson is the only legally blind Governor in U.S. history, I propose that we implement a “lazy eye” tax. How does it feel now, David? Don’t fuck with our sodas.

“Look into the camera, David. Oh, you are? Sorry lol.”

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