Nov 30 2008
Gigantic Antarctic ice shelf crumbling away
Back in March, I wrote about a gigantic chunk of ice that broke off from Wilkins Ice Shelf in Antarctica. Scientists were scared about how fast the shelf was losing ice. Now, those very same scientists are probably shitting their pants because new satellite images show Wilkins being torn apart like an unwanted subpoena.
Q: “But how does this affect me?”
A: I have a better question. Why are you so damn selfish? If I were to tell you that 500 babies were being strangled in your neighbor’s basement, would you not call the police because it didn’t affect you?
Here are the satellite images of Wilkins Ice Shelf back in March:
That’s 160-square-miles of ice breaking off the shelf. Terrifying, huh?
But seriously, this next image was taken on November 26th, and now 770-square-miles of ice has broken free.
As you read this, Antarctic wildlife is in peril. I zoomed in on a massive heard of penguins, desperately fleeing from the thundering rifts forming under their feet. Even a majestic sea lion can be seen, catching his breath.
Heartbreaking, isn’t it?
Q: “Damn, I feel like a jackass for contributing to Global Warming and causing this awful catastrophe. What can I do today to help?”
A: Nothing. My advice to you is to educate today’s children to be geniuses, so they can figure out a way to save us when the apocalypse comes. Hopefully we’ll have little senior living centers on the moon by then. However, if you really want to help, start by recycling and using those fancy little fluorescent light bulbs that save energy.
Still don’t feel like you’ve done enough to help? You’re probably right, you haven’t. Here is a list of environmentally-friendly tips. Some of them may be a little “extreme,” but how far would you go to save Mother Earth?
1) Walk everywhere instead of driving.
2) Stop heating your house in the winter.
3) Stop cooling your house in the summer.
4) Plant trees and plants all over the damn place.
5) Don’t breathe anymore - your body exhales CO2, which is a greenhouse gas.
6) Kill every cow in the world - cows expel methane from their anuses, which is worse than CO2.
“5) Don’t breathe anymore - your body exhales CO2, which is a greenhouse gas.
6) Kill every cow in the world - cows expel methane from their anuses, which is worse than CO2.”
hahahah omg you dick!
Oh my god
now there are some solutions
Yeah!!!…WaterWorld!!…I want to be that guy firing the quad .50 cal machine guns with my face covered with black smoke!!
I love that movie and I’m not embarrassed to admit it.
hmmm, makes me think twice about eating hamburgers =)
basically you are my hero
and i am quoting you in a research project because this is so great
condoms for lyf.
I like option 6